A wonderful blog from a service user at our charity partner First Steps.
I have a lot of problems with eating because of my weight – I know, rationally, that I’m a healthy weight, but it never feels like it.
Looking in the mirror disgusts me because all I see is someone who is fat and ugly. Because of this, I would skip meals at school, although I’m forced to eat most of the time by my parents. I stop eating for periods of time hoping that I’ll lose weight, and I record everything I eat so that I know how many calories I’ve had. Sometimes it’s not so bad, and other times I get to the point of crying over how much I wished I could weigh less. I find a weird kind of comfort in being hungry – to me, it feels like a way to make myself prettier, to make people like me more, and also a way to have control over my life and to punish myself for the things that I do.
Ever since I started using Tellmi, I’ve found that it’s made me feel so much less alone. It seems like a small thing, but to go from feeling alone all the time to feeling like there are people there if I need to talk or vent who know exactly what I’m going through is such a leap and it feels amazing. A lot of my problems with eating are related to a fear of people not liking me, and so to have a support system there for me who are there to help regardless of who I am and whether we would be friends in real life or not has been so helpful and has really helped me to realise that I’m never alone, and there is help from some amazing people out there if I have nowhere else to go.